The Sh** Show

 



It's pretty safe to say that this is not how I initially envisioned this. The journey nor the documentation of said journey.

I didn't expect my mother to die, I didn't expect there to be lots of estate stuff to attend to, and I definitely didn't expect spend half of my days walking/limping around feeling like I was 80 years old.

But here I am.


There are some days where I still feel like I can still accomplish my goal. There are other days when I feel like I have no shot.

So I toggle back and forth; slightly erring on the side of optimism.

Because why not? What do you have to lose? I sure as hell know what you lose if you give up.


Thirty years ago I ran across the concept of "bones are where they are in space because of where soft tissue pulls them." With our evolving understanding of pain, fascia, and other variables that play in to our lived experience, it seems possible that the situation with my hip is recoverable without surgery. 

The path isn't quite so clear, however, so I feel like I am hacking my way through the overgrown jungle of uncertainty; which doesn't always help with my daily motivation.


I was talking to a friend about it that other day and it occurred me:

There is another belief at play...one that isn't held upfront in my awareness...and it's this:

I have so many thoughts and beliefs about the "mindbody" system and about what is, or could be, possible. At least in theory. The timing of this hip thing sometimes makes me wonder if it's not a test of those beliefs. 

Shit or get off the pot, some might say. So that makes this the Shit Show. 

How the show turns out will only be determined in the future, looking back.


By standard allopathic/materialist medical standards, surgery is my only option. I have never been keen on being constrained inside that conceptual box, however, and even less so now that I have more knowledge. So if I believe there is another way to resolution, I have to manifest that in my own body. 


I can go in to the breakdown as to why I think it is all possible but will have to save that for another post. For now, I see it all as a puzzle I have to figure out to prove if what I believe, and what I get others to believe, is real or BS.

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