The Seriousness of Severe

 

I remain amazed by how some people can accomplish so much, Between work, family stuff, working out, and taking care of general life issues, the time left to write, or to read, seems to dry up quickly. 

In my head, I write in three blogs daily: this one, my general life one, and the family travel/nomadic life one. But the percentage of words that have been making it to the page rounds down to 0%. The only reason why it is a fraction above zero is because sometimes these words come out in a different way; like text messages to friends.

Even now, I have other things of higher priority to do, but I decided to commit a few minutes to pop in to express one thing:

Severe.

Last month I had my ten year cancer post-op CT. The good news is that I am still cancer free, which is a very big deal.

The also noted, however, almost as an aside...as if the radiologist was about to turn the image off but then decided to throw in one last comment...that there was "severe degeneration" in my right hip.

I fully expected degeneration, of course. I'm an older athlete, so no surprise there. I also expected it to have gotten worse in the last few years because I've been saying that I don't think the position of my femur is in the right/best spot, and it make sense to me that that can cause extra wear and tear.

But I confess that the word "severe" planted a seed of doubt in my mind.

I still think that what I notice daily in my hip can be mostly corrected. I also still hold on to the slim hope that this correction might allow me to get back to the trails....as far fetched as that might seem to some. 

The seriousness of severe doesn't have to do with the structural status of my hip. It has to do with my seriousness in how I have been approaching my attempt to fix the issue with my hip. If this is a real, true desire that I have, then the cards have been turned over on the table and it's time to address it like it's the last hand to play.

It also makes me realize that I might need to "go big" in my approaches, and tap in to things that aren't so traditional. I think of these things as possibly beneficial in some abstract way when I am discussing them with clients, but now it's time to test them firsthand. Sh** or get off the pot, as they say.

To be clear, if it all goes sideways and nothing works, I'm not opposed to surgical options. I'm just opposed to surgical options that don't lead to better outcomes and better function. In the world of hips, results seem mix. And you can't go backwards. So I might as well try all of the tools that I know of.

Working in the world of chronic pain and understanding how pain works, knowing what imaging does or doesn't reveal, and speculating on how creating certain conditions might restore function, this observation of "severe" isn't the stake through the heart. Not yet. But if I want to fulfill that deep longing I have to get back out on the mountain trails, now is the time to prove my seriousness.