The Mourning and the Ortho

 I know the whole point of this blog is to capture what I hope to be a comeback; a story of years of frustration and disappointment, finally overcome, resulting in a triumphant conclusion.

Like in all stories, other events happen that break the plot line; a twist that threatens to shut the whole project down early. 

The plot twist for me was my mom being found unresponsive just hours after I published the first post, and her subsequent passing two weeks later. Honestly, the story of her end is brutal and raw, but that's not what this particular story is about, so I am resisting the urge to go too far in that direction.

How all of that plays in to this story is the repetitive theme of interruption and disruption. It has happened so many times on this journey that it's sometime a wonder I still carry the torch of the original goal. I have spent much of the last three weeks in Omaha, without access to a gym, or a mountain, and seem to be falling further and further in to the land of the de-conditioned. 

While I was in Boulder last week, however, I did have the chance to finally go see a sports medicine doctor. Even though I know orthos are trained to see everything through the lens of surgery, I was still interested in hearing that perspective. 

First, let me say that I really liked the physician I saw. He was very personable and appeared to be super knowledgeable. I also appreciated how he presented options, and the feedback he gave to my suggestion.

All of that said, I find the ortho perspective so limited. He did a very quick exam, only checking my internal and external rotation, and adduction/abduction, and he looked my x-rays. No questions about my structure beyond the actual joint, no questions about where I had the most limitations, etc.

Based on those few data points, he said it was just "arthritis", and he offered me an anti-inflammatory, maybe an injection if I wanted, and then talked about the day when I'd need a new hip.

I still fully embrace Ida Rolf's concept that "bones are where they are in space because of where soft tissue pulls them," so to me, all of those options (except the anti-inflammatory, maybe) seem silly without addressing the actual physics and forces in the joint/body. So I told him I'd like to work on the structure piece first and then we could see how things were in a few months. He said that sounded like a great plan; which again, I appreciated.

So what are the structure pieces? My left pelvis is substantially higher than my right. My left sit bone is further forward than my right...I don't know if it's from a twist to the right, of if my right side has more anterior tilt. I definitely collapse in to an anterior pelvic tilt. I feel like I collapse a bit in my lower thoracic spine. To the point where it feels like it even pinches off my breathing some.

While I have been super tight anteriorly on both sides for a long time now, my right psoas has definitely been an issue; and really one of the drivers of all of this. My internal rotation is crap, but so is my external rotation, which is newer. External rotation on my right side is painful. Putting shoes and socks on is not comfortable (fortunately, I wear flip flops as often as I can). And, of course, I have the anterior impingement on the right side. I can't squat or hinge without getting stuck. Not being able to do so means I shift to my left every time I need to bend over, which just messes with everything else over time.

The whole impingement situation has also really restricted what else I can do, so now I'm just feeling more and more restricted and stuck in my whole body.

Not a great situation. And when you are 58 years old, it makes your age feel much, much higher.

I am putting together a plan, however, that I think can work. More on that to come.

One final note on the sports medicine doctor. If I ever have to be more aggressive in my solutions I will likely go back to him because I liked his energy and communication style. He also gets really good reviews, so I'm guessing he is a very good surgeon as well. The one time I didn't love his response was at the very end of the appointment when he said I should bike. I told him that I actually can't bike because I can't get that much flexion without pain. He said he's heard people say that before, and just suggested I make sure to get a proper bike fit.

Dude, I'm 58 years old and have been an athlete my whole life. Don't you think that if I was able to bike I would be biking? Telling me to just get fitted properly was about a dismissive as one could get. So, you do have that one strike against you.

I got back to Omaha yesterday with my daughter. We are staying in my mom's house, which is always a bit difficult. You look around her house and see all of the things sitting there, waiting for her to come home. All of the things that she put, exactly where they are, anticipating that she would get back there as well. 

Of course, it's not those things that are really waiting. It's me that is waiting. Waiting for her to walk in to the house from the door that comes in from the garage; making that squeaking noise that it has made for the last three or more decades. 

I think my mom was waiting, too. Waiting to get back home. Waiting to feel better after her recent medical procedures. Waiting to finally get back the life that she was longing for.

There is a story here for all of us, I think. But again, this isn't that tale.

Love you and miss you, mom.